Bernard Howard, asked in a Gospel Coalition article whether “Gentle Parenting” is biblical.
Of course, gentleness, a fruit of the Spirit, is biblical…but he was addressing a parenting philosophy.
This philosophy is driven by a wave of Instagram parenting “experts” and podcast gurus.
I say that tongue in cheek…you can listen to last week’s message to get my fuller thoughts on the out of town or virtual experts.
He is not dismissive of the excellent things you can learn from this “movement.”
But after pointing out the good he goes on to illuminate what is unbiblical about this philosophy of parenting…both in its foundations and in some of its applications
You can google the article if you want to read it…but the article is not my point.
My point is…
How do we sift out the wheat from the weeds in current trends, ideas, and philosophies?
It may seem obvious…but it can be hard, not impossible, but hard…to get this right.
We are creatures of our culture…who are being transformed into the image of Christ…people whose beliefs, values and behaviors…are driven by an eternal kingdom not merely by passing human trends.
But God has placed us in our specific time and place.
What role does current culture and language, and ideas play into our understanding of how to apply what is biblical?
Some role, a leading role, no role at all?
I said, how to apply truth, not what is truth.
God’s revelation unfolded over time in the Biblical narrative…Scripture can’t mean now, what it never meant when it was written…it doesn’t change…….but it must be applied to specific situations.
Truth transcends all times and places…but it takes both an understanding of biblical truth and some understanding of the times in which you live…to live faithfully, biblically in those times.
There is a great, simple verse, in the OT that speaks to this fact.
Men (Of Issachar) who had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do, 200 chiefs, and all their kinsmen under their command. 1 Chron. 12:32
They had the 10 commandments, the Pentateuch (the first five books of the bible, the book of Moses), why did they need to understand the times to know what Israel ought to do?
Just read the Bible and do it.
Well to apply the truth in their setting required both biblical and cultural understanding.
How were they to understand what had happened to King Saul, and what God was doing with David…what did covenant faithfulness look like for them in this large scale cultural shift they were living through?
There was a lot going on, epic things going on and they were not sitting around reading websites…they were leading armies…who were protecting families…there was a lot at stake.
This idea…of understanding biblical truth applied to our lives now…is why Systematic Theologies continue to be written.
They use the same source material…the Bible, which has been a fixed body of revelation since the days of the Apostles…but different times require different biblical responses.
A systematic theology written in 1939, the first one I read, would not address certain theological applications like the one written in 1983, the second one I read.
The one I am reading now, published this year, speaks Biblical truth to issues that the 1983 theology did not.
In fact, some of the issues it speaks to today would have made no sense in 1983.
Not because the Bible doesn’t speak to these things in terms of Worldview answers…but because it was not even a question then.
Imagine asking someone in 1983 what they think of the theology and ethics of AI.
The Bible was written in a form that speaks the absolute truth of God to every generation and situation…but it takes concerted effort…to apply it in various settings.
Again, it can’t mean what it did not originally mean…the OT was always meant to be an unfolding revelation of Christ, the NT is the revelation of Christ.
God’s truth doesn’t change to match our setting…we must work to apply it rightly to our setting.
Paul clearly understood the OT and the gospel and he applied the truth in various situations using both contemporary wisdom and his vast biblical knowledge.
In Acts 17 we find Paul in the synagogue, reasoning with Jewish people about the death and resurrection of Christ…using the Old Testament…and many of them became followers of Christ.
Some, however, became angry, and formed a mob to run him out of town.
Later in the same chapter Paul is in Athens, the center of Greek philosophy and he was distressed by all the idols…because he understood that idolatry was empty and deadly.
He stood up at a meeting with a bunch of contempoary philosophers and used their own ideas and even quoted one of their own key thinkers to share the gospel with them.
Again, some rejected him, some became followers of Christ.
He knew Scripture and he knew culture…and this gave him increased opportunity to share Christ and to live faithfully in his culture.
What you see throughout Scripture is people with a clear understanding of God’s revealed truth and an understanding of their current cultural setting bringing the gospel to the lives of people.
This same thing is true throughout history.
Augustine, wrote the City of God in 426.
Rome had been sacked 15 years earlier and they were in a state of shock.
Many saw it as a punishment for abandoning their Roman religion for Christianity…the gods were angry.
Augustine wrote The City of God as an argument for the truth of Christianity over competing religions and philosophies.
Augustine had a more sophisticated understanding of Roman gods than most of those who believed in these gods did.
As a result, Augustine was able to show how these gods could never deliver what people longed for, only the gospel could.
Now to more modern times…
A key influence in my life is Francis Schaeffer who some rejected because they thought his views simplistic…they were far from it.
In fact, many today are finding Schaeffer to be a man of great foresight.
He saw decades ago, what was coming and is now fully here.
He was a brilliant theologian and he had unusual understanding of the times in which he lived.
Augustine, Schaeffer…along with the men of Issachar, and Paul…just didn’t read the times…they had the faith and courage to take appropriate action in them.
Again, those men of Issachar…were not just sitting around reading news…they each would have had vast number of soldiers under their command.
They didn’t just need information…they needed to have understanding.
The context is they were part of a large of warriors who were coming together under the leadership of King David.
They understood that Saul had turned from God and David was God’s chosen king.
They were leaders of action…but they led in tune with the reality of what was actually happening in their time.
Clearly their capacity for understanding was well-known and unique and valuable…otherwise why would it be listed, in this short list, as a descriptor of them?
Paul, Augustine, Shaeffer…they read the times to speak the gospel to their times.
They were men of wisdom and action…they read the times and acted appropriately in the times.
We are talking about them now, because their capacity for understanding and action is both unique and so valuable.
You don’t need to be an expert in culture…or in Scripture for that matter.
We don’t have the capacity of these men neither do we have their stewardship…but we each have our own capacity…and we each our own stewardship.
We do need to understand what is Biblical, and what is purely cultural…and how to live biblically in our culture.
Not just to know stuff…but in order to live faithfully.
This takes biblical wisdom practiced in community…church community and the larger community.
We are in week 2 of three weeks of “Faithfulness with the next generation.”
It is more than just three weeks of parenting.
We are all, as members of one Body in Christ…responsible for the next generation.
So last week: Our goal and our roles…we exist for the glory of God, our roles are to be found faithful with our stewardship.
Today…how do we faithfully live out our role and goal in our own time and place.
How do we become people with the increasing ability to apply eternal truth to contemporary situations.
Again, this is neither impossible nor easy to do.
Starting today, for three weeks, Aaron will teach on Biblical foundations for a godly home.
Biblical truth applied to family life.
We need theology…we absolute truth to know how to live.
He is an expert on biblical theology and he also carefully studies contemporary trends.
On Wednesday, March 27 we will have parenting panels made of parents from our own community.
We need each other…in community to live biblical truth out faithfully.
So we will hear how some of our friends…are seeking to apply truth to family life.
Nothing is more important than faithfulness with the next generation…I encourage you to take advantage of these opportunities to train for godliness.
Training takes effort…and what we are training for…is worthy of our fullest efforts.
What I want to do now is re-introduce what is called the “Read/Act” model for leadership.
It is a good “hook” to hang biblical truth on…it can give us a strategy or pathway for growing in our ability to become like those “men of Issachar” in their ability to know what ought to be done…and to do it.
Some of you are familiar with this model…but I have some newer thoughts about it that might help you understand how to grow in your ability to read with wisdom and act with courage.
Parents, really need to work hard at being a big RA.
INTRO: SOS: PME
r/A
R/a
r/a
R/A
What does it mean to “Read”? S/A…men of Issachar…had understanding not mere information
-What is happening/what needs to happen
-What the resources are available/what is lacking
-What are threats/opportunities
-Where might this go in the future? What is the trajectory of these idea and trends? Seeing the bigger picture…movement in moments.
This requires:
Character: Selfishness and fear make us miss stuff
Competency: Am I growing in Biblical and cultural understanding: Am I learning how to understand and apply God’s revelation in Scripture to my life?
-In family…am I seeing what is happening here, what needs to happen here, what the trajectory of this choice is in the long haul?
Act:
-External limiting factors…left column stuff
-Internal limiting factors…right column stuff
This requires:
*Character:
-Humility, Am I thinking only or mostly of me, selfishness can keep us from appropriate action.
-Courage, Will I take right action no matter the cost?
*Competency:
-Am I training to be a person who acts with faith and faithfulness?
-Learning self-control…how to be proactive and not passive.
Four types of leaders
r/A: Dangerous:
R/a: Complainer: blamers
r/a: Complacent, out of the touch,
-not effective, not complainers
-In the end, they are sort of a long-fused bomb…passivity blows up eventually
R/A Effective
I presented this model to a local company a few weeks ago and in the discussion time, several said…”I am a R/A at work and a R/a at home.”
This is perceptive…they understood that is not something we are fixed in… we need to be continually paying attention to wisdom and courage…read and act.
I have a friend who led a large military organization…he is probably the most consistent R/A… I’ve witnessed in action.
His character(he doesn’t make leadership about himself) and his competency(he is a learner, a man of self-control) have given him:
*Clarity in terms of R… he can read more accurately
*Courage in terms of A… he act decisively
The biblical principles that make him a R/A are both tied to growing in character and competency.
*Because of common grace a non-Christian who acts with integrity and courage will be a better leader than a committed Christian who does not.
Truth works everywhere it is tried, by everyone who tries it.
In the end, the non-Christian has not earned heaven by their good leadership…but that is another issue.
If you are confused by the non-Christian parent who acts with more wisdom and courage than does the Christian parent…don’t be…that is common grace in action.
All truth is God’s truth…and truth applied works.
Can you grow R/A? Absolutely…you can also shrink in them.
I’ve heard a hundred times, “I’m a really good judge of character.” (Big R in regard to people)
-I’ve rarely hear someone say, “I’m a little ‘r’…I consistently misread people and situations.
No one is consistently great at reading others.
The more you think you are…the more likely you are to be terrible at understanding others.
If you automatically trust yourself…you are going to be, at least part of the time, a little “r”.
I’m not advocating for insecurity…but for humility.
MY DAD: He trusted three men because his instincts had been good.
You can grow and you can shrink…this is not about a fixed state of affairs.
First how do you grow in your ability to Read…which is just biblically called wisdom.
*You need this to parent well…or to live faithfully in your time whether you are a parent or not.
And how to you grow in your ability to Act…which is biblically called obedience, faith or courage.
*You need this as well.
Then how do you remain vigilant in these areas in your parenting and in your living?
We are going to talk larger categories…you will have to do the work, in community, to apply these to your specific situations.
Remember….focus on Faithfulness
Copnsider: Jimmy Bosch holding a flag pole, that was physical faithfulness for him.
For you, physical faithfulness may be running five miles each morning.
The same principle is true for the differences in our families lives…same principle, different applications.
You have your own stewardship and capacity…be faithful with both.
How do you grow your R?
1. Christlike character: Don’t make life, parenting, leadership about you
Phil. 2…do nothing out of selfish ambition…
Move through life asking…”How do I bless not impress” here and now.
Or to state it in the negative…I can’t move through life trying not to look stupid or uncool…it cannot become about me.
This is very counter cultural in the online age…where image management is highly valued.
-That is driven by Pride and pride makes you stupid…it will make you a little “r”
Teachability is component of biblical character
Closely tied to humility…will I trust myself or the people God has put in my life?
Gut level question.
Will I trust them…when I most need to and least want to?
Everyone wants accountability…until they really need it…then we tend to trust ourselves.
This how to be a little r…
Remain teachable…especially when others are telling you something, you have hard time accepting.
2. Competency: Skill/Experience/knowledge:
*Understand Scripture…balanced, real theology…not online nonsense.
*not all of it is nonesense…but you need to know what is.
-This is why we do classes here…we put an enormous amount of work into them
On occasion people have said, “I want to go deeper than my small group does.”
My response is twofold:
1. There is nothing deeper, biblically, than loving one another in community.
-That’s as deep as it gets.
2. If you want more theology…show up and train.
*I don’t want to become a theologian… you actually are one…you want to train to be a good one.
*You do want to understand Scripture…at whatever level you are able to…given time, opportunity.
Understand culture…butnot from online nonsense
*Watch for balance, avoid stinking thinking.
And if you are going to read or listen…don’t just listen to what you already agree with…that will feed the confirmation bias and make you a little “r”
All this, of course, applies to the all parenting “stuff” out there.
You don’t know those people…but if you listen to them…you better make sure you do so with wisdom.
How do you grow your A?
1. Character: Selfishness and fear limit your ability to take right actions
-Watch stinking thinking that puts you at the center
This will negatively impact your ability to make good, timely actions.
2. Competency: Self-leadership is prior to leading others (self-control)
-Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.
-When I train to be faithful with my physical body and my mind and my relationships and my walk with God…it all spills over from one column to another.
Self-control empowers big A living…it is a fruit of the Spirit.
God has designed the church as the place where we train for godliness.
All of this happens best in the context of small groups.
We do small groups like we do them…on purpose.
Our processes are designed to produced intentional outcomes.
Men and women who are training for godliness…becoming and remaining R/A
So, let’s talk about how to not shrink in your ability to make wise reads, and take courageous actions.
How to stay R/A… or at least continually grow in them.
These are specifically in the context of parenting…but you can apply them more widely if you are not a parent.
I’m going to go with alliteration: Performing, Passivity, Pushing
Think of these like the “check engine” light on your car.
If these kick in, you are going to find your R/A shrinking.
You are not acting with biblical wisdom and courage.
1. Performing:
Parenting for the crowds vs. parenting in authentic community
Galatians 1:10…principle…parenting for the approval of others rather than God is not the way to go.
Be teachable, learn from others…but DO NOT try to look like a good parent for people around you.
This has always been hard, but the online age has made it exponentially harder.
This is my child…she is what matters (not how I look to others)
She belongs to God…pleasing him is what matters. (not what others think about me)
Again….don’t be stubborn, isolated, insecure about this…just listen, be teachable…and do what is right…don’t play for the crowd.
a. Our ego is a beast…and no one is dead to its pull…be aware of that.
b. Work hard at doing what is right before God for your child and move away from the pull to “look” like a certain kind of parent.
c. Die to the desire to live through your children…they are not your “avatar” they belong to God first…you are a steward…they are not your masterpiece, or your disaster.
2. Passivity: The opposite and equally bad twin of “performing”
Performing makes you a little “r”
Passivity, makes you a little “a”
*Eph. 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
a. You cannot be passive and pull this parenting thing off.
*passive and parent are a kind of oxymoron.
b. You don’t get to be passive…doesn’t matter if you are wired that way, raised that way…you don’t get to be that way with.
*Don’t deal with your passivity tendency by becoming angry, but rather by taking appropriate and timely action.
You don’t have change personalities…God has made you you…now take appropriate actions…grow your A.
*Do what is right, do it because it is right, and do it at the right time, every single time.
*Good grief Terry…no pressure!
Look, no one does this perfectly…direction not perfection.
*So…Mess up, fess up, move on when you don’t.
I asked Crystal to forgive me when I became impatient or selfish with her…when she was too young to know what I was talking about.
I knew I was going to need a lot of practice in this
I asked one of my grown daughters and one of granddaughters to forgive me for being foolish very recently…I was wrong and it made them and me very sad.
Be pro-active…don’t let fear make you passive.
When you mess up…get used to asking for forgiveness
And kids, forgive your parents when they mess up…trust me, they forgive you of plenty.
Passivity is the enemy of appropriate, and consistent leadership…little “a.”
3. Pushing: You cannot lead from behind (pushing). You lead from the front, showing, encouraging.
Set the culture in your family by how you Communicate, demonstrate, celebrate…not by how you “berate.”
R/a… are the complainers.
Eventually, hopefully, you will walk beside them as adults as friends (with mutual impact and respect…we are, thank God, at that stage with our kids)
But you have to lead them when it is time to lead them.
Pushing is often driven by selfishness or a lack of confidence, or desperation rather than faith.
CONCLUSION
No human being is a perfect or consistent R/A.
We all lack wisdom and courage at times.
This is about training, not just trying.
Faithfulness in a settled direction.
Let’s finish with James…and a passage I think speaks to RA.
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:5-8
If you lack wisdom (need a bigger R)…ask God, he is generous in sharing his wisdom.
But when you ask you must not doubt, the doubter is like a wave tossed back and forth…the double-minded man or woman isn’t going to get wisdom.
What is going on here?
Am I supposed to try and muster up some kind of feelings of belief before God will give me wisdom?
How do I help it if I sometimes doubt?
Let’s use the Lord’s words in John 14 to help us understand.
Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. John 14:21
Wisdom, understanding is always tied to obedience, action.
So, James is saying, you want to grow your R?
Do you need wisdom?
Then make sure when you ask you are prepared to act on it..
Lived decided, not decideing.
Wisdom to READ…has a prerequisite…the settled courage to ACT.
Biblical wisdom is truth applied…to know and not act is not wisdom, it is merely information.
Ask…and be prepared to take courageous, faithful action.
It can’t be, “God tell me what to do and I will decide if I think I can or if want to do it.”
It must be, “God tell me what to do, I am determined to do it…God give me wisdom and give me courage.”
We all need this, parents, grandparents…and everyone else in this room.