Silo is a sci-fi series about a massive underground bunker that houses what remains of the human race in a dystopian future.
The cardinal sin in this society is to say that you want to “go out” or leave the silo.
If you say this, then out you go…where supposedly you die.
But as you are escorted out…a sort of excommunication… the Mayor of the silo, standing in front of the citizens, recites a creed…
“We do not know why we are here. We do not know who built the Silo. We do not know why everything outside the Silo is as it is.”
Then the person is put out of the supposed protection of the Silo.
This is a similar creed to those who disbelieve in God as creator.
We do not why we are here.
We don’t know who built the cosmos (it has always been, or it has built itself).
We have no idea what is next.
It matters, a lot, if we do not know the big “Why”…why we are here…it impacts everything about our lives.
Or if we think we do and we get it wrong.
If God had not revealed himself to us…we would not know why we are here, we would only be left to guess.
We would not know who built the cosmos or what is beyond it, if anything…we could only guess.
Now scientists don’t consider their theories guesses, but that is exactly what they are when it comes to theories of human origins and purpose and final destiny…it is all guessing.
The things we most need to know…we cannot discover, they can only be revealed.
God has revealed himself to us in his Word…He is the creator; all things exist for him and by him.
We have to begin with God…then we can begin to understand our purpose.
By purpose, I don’t just mean the big “why”…why we are here in general terms.
But also, the little “what’s”…what it means to live as his people in the details of our lives.
What should I believe, what should I value, what should I do.
That’s what we have studied in God’s word for over two years…as we have looked at the NT letters.
What is true to believe, what is most important to value, and what is good to do with our lives.
But to understand why we are here and how we are to live in these details…
We begin with the fact that God has revealed himself to us.
This doesn’t mean we can get our minds all the way around him…we cannot.
We can know him accurately(true truth) and adequately(enough to thrive)…though not exhaustively.
We know that God is a Trinity…he is One God, three persons.
We know this because he has revealed himself to us this way.
John Frame writes:
The fact is, we do not know precisely how the three are one and the one is three. We do know that since the three are God, they are equal, for there is no superiority or inferiority within God. To be God is to be superior to everything. All three have all the divine attributes. All three are “Lord.”
He goes one…
There is nothing like the Trinity, in the major world religions, nothing like it in secular philosophy, it is denied by Christian heresies…in fact it is the first doctrine to be denied by them.
Why? Because humans didn’t think it up, and we can’t get our minds around it…it’s not man made.
It is the self-revelation of the God who is there.
There are no analogies that work for the Triune God…he is not like this or that…he is absolutely unique.
He is the starting point for the big “why” of our existence…as well as for understanding the details of how we are to live our lives.
Today we are in 1 Peter 3:1-7
1 Peter 3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
So why begin with the trinity?
What does he have to do with husbands and wives relating to one another?
Well, we can start with our own experiences…we will all come to different conclusions…about how marriage is to work. (Guessing)
We can start with current cultural norms…and our conclusions will shift like sand…because conventional wisdom is not that wise…it changes all the time.
We start with, the Trinity.
God is Father, Son, Spirit…Eternal equality, but with subordination in roles.
That sounds confusing…but hang with me.
In Scripture, God is three in one…all three persons of the trinity are fully God.
They are equal.
But the three persons of the Trinity relate to one another in different ways…of course they do, they are different persons.
The Son is eternally submitting to the Father
The Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son.
I know this is heady stuff…but it is important.
The big picture, makes sense out of the details.
Wayne Grudem writes:
Just as the Father has authority over the Son in the Trinity, so the husband has authority over the wife in marriage. The husband’s role is parallel to that of God the Father and the wife’s role is parallel to that of God the Son. Moreover, just as Father and Son are equal in deity and importance and personhood, so the husband and wife are equal in humanity and importance and personhood.
(Grudem, Wayne A.; Grudem, Wayne A.. Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine (p. 257). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.)
So, if you are bothered by Peter’s description of roles in marriage…then you probably started in your thinking with your own experience.
What you have seen, or heard, or thought.
But if we start with the Trinity…then we can make sense out of what Peter is actually saying.
There is certainly no inferiority within the Trinity…though there is clearly subordination in roles.
This is a description of reality.
God the Father, Son, and Spirit did not in eternity past draw straws to see who would get which role.
This is who they are and always have been.
How could God always be?
*A River grade schooler recently asked me.
Something exists.
Something does not come from nothing.
So, something has always been.
Evidence and experience tells us that what has always been is personal, not impersonal.
And Scripture tells us that what has always been is the Triune God.
Let’s look at a few verses that describe how God the Son submits to God the Father…in their eternal relationship.
1 Cor. 11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
Matt 26:39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.
John 6:38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.
Phil. 2:5-9 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
So, subordination in roles clearly has nothing to with value, equality as a person.
Jesus subordinated himself to the will of his Father…and the Father exalted him to the highest place.
*Last week we looked at where Peter says we are to submit to governing authorities and bosses for the Lord’s sake.
*We tend to rank people based on roles and responsibilities:
-Bosses are superior to employees
-Commanders are superior to those they command
-Those who govern are superior to those they govern
This is a false construct…leaders are, in God’s ideal, to lead as servants…so everyone under them will thrive
Public servants are not superior to those they serve, neither are bosses superior to their employees.
God has given them those positions to serve…sometimes they misuse them but that is not God’s design.
**A friend, who is a general officer, led a large group of soldiers and airmen on a mission.
-He was the authority; everyone was required to submit to his leadership for the good of the mission.
-And…he slept less than everyone he lead; he sacrificed more than anyone on the mission.
He was the boss…he paid the highest price.
-This is how it is supposed to look.
There are two “likewise” here.
“Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands.”
“Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way.”
“likewise” applies to both husbands and wives.
What does it refer back to?
2:21-24 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.
Likewise…Both wives and husbands are to follow in the footsteps of Christ. They are to suffer as he did. They are to entrust their lives to God. They are to die to sin and live to righteousness.
They have different roles in the marriage…but both are “likewise” to live in those roles as Christ.
Now, let’s go back to 1 Peter 3:1
1 Peter 3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The same exception applies in the marriage relationship as in other relationships…obedience to God is the highest responsibility.
So, a husband, who tries to compel sin is both misusing his responsibility and not to be complied with.
Peter, again, as always is concerned with the Great Commission…he wants to see people find freedom in Christ.
He is not assuming most of the wives reading his letter have non-Christian husbands but he says, “Even if some do not obey the word”…they might be won to Christ by your conduct.
I have several friends in our church for whom this very scenario played out…the witness of their lives was crucial in their husbands coming to Christ.
*Don’t hear Peter saying, “You must grovel at your husbands every demand to win him to Christ.”
There is nothing beautiful and compelling in that.
What the non-believing husband must see is how God’s ways work…they are true and beautiful.
The non-Christian can already see the dysfunctional, broken relationships in the world around him.
But when he sees something dramatically different…something that is a partnership of beauty and effectiveness…he can conclude…”This is true, this kind of marriage works…the gospel must be true as well.”
Now, to another passage that Peter would be shocked to see how it is often misunderstood.
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
The focus is on what is to be focused on…that’s not the externals…but the internals.
I suspect Peter could care less what a woman does with her hair or what kinds of jewelry she wears.
He is zeroed in on the heart.
In some translations an adjective is added before “clothing”…to make it “fine clothing”
It is not there in the Greek, Peter wrote simple…”The clothing you wear”
So, Peter is no more saying you should not braid your hair or wear jewelry than he is saying you should not put on clothes.
Again, the focus is that “hidden person of the heart”
Your true personality, who you are inside…must show up in words and actions on the outside…it is to be the focus.
This is an imperishable kind beauty.
So, the contrast is on lasting versus temporary beauty.
*Peter would fit in well with the current trend to try and turn the focus away from airbrushed/photoshopped perfect female models…to see all women as inherently valuable, not just based on externals.
But he would of course, go much farther and deeper than current trends do.
It’s not just that we should stop focusing on externals…but that the internals that matter the most are eternal in nature.
Faithfulness to God is what should be the focus.
As Peter likes to do, he gives an OT example to show the continuity of God’s plan.
What he is saying is not new; this is the unfolding of God’s eternal purposes.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Using OT women and Sarah in particular Peter ties the principle of continually hoping in God (that is the tense of the verb) with how they submitted to their husbands.
Now if you read the story of Abraham and Sarah a few things stand out.
1. She was beautiful and he was rich. So, she likely had plenty of jewelry, as would have been the custom. Again, Peter’s point was on the focus of internal beauty, not in externals.
-You could have someone who doesn’t care about externals or internals… a person whose hard towards God and others.
2. She followed Abraham as Abraham followed God.
-Gen 12
Abraham was 75 and God told him to leave his country and family and go to the land he would show him.
Sarah went with him.
I don’t know how much trouble she gave him or how long she asked “are you sure” but she went.
3. Abraham was often a miserable failure as a spiritual leader and Sarah was often not a great example of a woman of faith.
-In Egypt Abraham told Sarah to lie and say that she was his sister because he was afraid he would be killed so some Egyptian could have her.
-When God seemed to be slow in keeping his promise, Abraham took Sarah’s lead and slept with her servant to have a child.
-When Sarah became jealous after the servant bore a child, she treated her servant harshly…Abraham, to his great shame, was complicit.
*Peter knew the OT better than I do…he wasn’t blind to these realities.
He was pointing to Sarah’s direction, not her perfection.
If you look at the trajectory of Sarah’s life…though she at times wanted and got her way (Abraham, at least in the Bible, most often deferred to her)…she did live by faith by following her husband as he followed God.
If you could imagine the details of her life, it would have meant many uncertain, unpleasant, and dangerous situations…she had a tough life.
So, I can see why Peter, who knew her flaws…set her up as a key example.
God used her to become the mother of the nation that would represent God to the world.
As I read the very imperfect example that Sarah and Abraham are, I am encouraged, they were not perfect…and I am challenged, they did believe God in some amazing ways.
Peter says to wives…And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
How do you not fear what is frightening? That’s like saying “Don’t be afraid of what you are afraid of.”
I think his point is “don’t give into the fear…trust God instead.”
It’s not that you won’t feel afraid…but “act on your faith not your fear.”
This could be fear of actual harm…following her husband into dangerous situations as God leads.
It could also be a fear that if I follow my husband as unto the Lord, I will lose myself…it will be harmful to me as a person.
Following Christ, wherever and however he leads, will not cause you to lose your life (in this sense, not being a whole, autonomous person).
But in Scripture all people must…lose their lives order to gain them…lay down rights and demands…to find life as Christ offers it to us.
Again, if following your husband means to disobey the Lord…then you are required to not comply.
But otherwise, fear must give way to faith…will I trust God in this?
Okay, now to the fellas…Peter uses fewer words but he is very direct.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Again, his likewise links the role of the husband to the same calling of the wife…to live in his role as Christ would.
“live with your wives in an understanding way” is literally “Living together according to knowledge.”
This is about being an avid student and expert in your wife…who she is.
People who love something…a job, a hobby, a car…read books, magazines, they think it about all the time (I’ve walked up on people at their jobs)…they become experts because they love it.
This is what Peter is telling husbands they are to be…experts driven by love.
It is not about merely acting with deference or showing consideration…though that would certainly be a part…it is much, much more.
This Knowledge could be any knowledge that benefits the husband-wife relationship.
This includes knowledge of:
-God’s purposes for marriage
-The wife’s desires, goals, frustrations
-Her strengths, weaknesses
-What encourages and discourages her
Implied in gaining this kind of knowledge is that the husband has to spend time to study God’s word as well as time invested to know his wife.
*I was once asked by two older, professionals to perform their marriage.
-Both had excelled in their careers and had a wide variety of interests.
-During one meeting I asked them how many books they had read on marriage?
-Blank stare…and they had not studied Scripture on the topic either.
I said, “You have read many books, articles, spent hours of training on your careers, but you have given no effort towards expertise in marriage…do you see the problem here?”
We tend to think we need to read a manual to understand how to operate a new tool or kitchen appliance…but we think understanding marriage and our wives just comes naturally.
I assure you, what comes natural to husbands…is not helpful for wives.
So, Peter writes…step up, part of living sacrificially like Christ is to pay the price to gain understanding.
The next line is sometimes unnecessary offensive to some women.
“Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel”
In the New Testament, God is frequently, said to give honor to those who are weaker or less honored in the eyes of the world.
I won’t read the passages, but they will be in my notes if you want to look them up.
(Matt 5:3-12, 1 Cor. 1:26-30, 12:22-25, James 2:5, 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5)
Honor ought to include kind and affirming words both public and private and in giving high priority in the use of time and money and effort to your wife.
Exactly what you would think by the word…”honor”
Peter doesn’t specify what he means by “weaker sex”…we do know it is not a put down…but rather an important part of what men are to pay attention to as they try to apply this directive.
He could mean anything that men might be inclined to take advantage of.
Like, by and large, women are physically weaker than men, so men are more able to overpower women physically.
-This, of course, is always evil.
But probably in context he is referring to positional authority…instead of misusing their authority to be selfish they should use it to lay down their lives.
Authority exists in God’s ideal to bless and serve others.
Another possibility could be that woman often have greater emotional sensitivity (and expertise) …men can easily bring deep hurt in the relationship by being combative, harsh, and inconsiderate.
Paul wrote in Col. 3:19, “Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Peter calls them the weaker “vessel”…this term was used in the NT to speak of human beings in general.
Like in 2 Cor. 4:7, “We have this treasure in clay vessels to show this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
There is nothing derogatory here…men and women are vessels, they creations of God…equally fragile and equally obligated to God as our Creator.
God is focusing the husbands attention on being careful and loving with God’s creation, his wife.
No one thinks it would be insulting to handle a piece of priceless pottery with great care…the care is indictive of its value.
You may throw a piece of Tupperware into the sink, not so a priceless heirloom.
Then, back to where we began…with the Trinity…equality as persons, difference in roles.
Husbands…live well in your role with your wife…since they are heirs with you of the grace of life
Joint heirs…of eternal life.
Marriage, is a temporary construct…in the age to come, Jesus said. We will not live in marriage…something greater is in store for all of us.
So, a woman’s temporary role in marriage is not tied to her “ontology” or her being, who she eternally is…it is given, to SOME, for God’s purposes now.
Men and women who know Christ are eternally equal as heirs of eternal life.
Peter concludes with a firm warning…do this, husbands…so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
This strongly shows how much of a priority how husbands treat their wives is to God.
*There have been times in my life when I have been praying about something I considered important and I had a sense that God was not interested.
-He was only interested in my going to Christy and asking for her forgiveness for some way I had been harsh or unkind.
God is so concerned that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with our wives…that he will hold up his hand…”Stop, none of this matters, until you go get what matters most settled.”
Very sobering stuff.
APPLICATION
I’m not married, what I am supposed to do with this?
-First, you should believe it. Wrestle with the implications but believe God’s word, and not what shifting culture tells you about marriage.
-I have known people who were afraid of marriage because of the bad examples they had seen.
-Be faithful in your calling…but letting fear drive decisions is not being faithful.
-Second, You are in a church family so you have a role in helping make marriages here successful.
You can challenge, encourage, serve, rebuke…whatever it takes to help your married brothers and sisters succeed.
*Don’t think, “I’m not married, what can I offer?”
-I’ve never been suicidal but I’ve helped many struggling with suicide.
-I’m a man and I’ve helped women, and have been helped by women.
-The idea that you have to have personal identification with someone in order to help them is not true.
-Do you know how to walk with Jesus? Do you know how-to live-in relationship with others? Do you have relationships with married people?
-Okay, then you can help.
-Finally, your value is found in Christ. You may not now, or ever have a role in a marriage, but as a follower of Christ you are forever a joint heir with married men and women.
This is who you are…even if you do not have a temporary role in a marriage relationship.
To the married men and women here, application has been made along the way, but I’ll end with a couple more.:
Understand that this passage is related to all that has come before it…both in Peter’s letter and in the Bible as a whole.
-This is a description of how to live as God’s free people, thriving in marriage relationships, as sojourners here.
-If you start with a few lines out of context, interpreted through some bad practices that exist in some marriages…you will miss the point.
Peter is casting a vision for what is good and beautiful…we are, as Paul wrote, “to aim for perfection” or as Christ said, “Be perfect.”
This doesn’t mean we will be perfect, but what else should we aim for than for what is best?
When we fail short, and we will…we confess to God, each other and move on.
Aim for this high ideal in marriage…living as Christ in your roles.
We began with the Trinity, let’s end that way
Jesus, submitting to his Father, gave his life for us.
God, John 3:16 says, from his great love, gave his Son for us.
Both freely gave what is of priceless value…Jesus his life, the Father his son.
The Trinity…eternally equal, different roles…giving sacrificially.
*When husbands and wives practice Phil. 2…each putting the interests of one another ahead of their own…a marriage becomes a thriving partnership.
This is God’s good design…rooted in his own eternal nature.
We will often mess up his design…but when we do…we give grace, we confess…we move on.
This is essential…seek perfection in direction together…do not demand perfection in every action from one another.